Peace Corps: Updating the Medical System... fun!

Tuesday I got a call from the Pre-Service Nurse. Here is the message she left me, word for word:

"Hi. This is a message for M.F. My name is L-. I'm calling from the Pre-Service Department at the Peace Corps Office of Medical Services. I'm the nurse team lead and G- has forwarded a message to me and I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. So you're in the situation where you're going to be one of our in-between people who a medical review is partially started because of your pended condition that required an initial review but you won't be able to send in a physical by the deadline because you haven't gotten it yet. So what we are advising folks in your situation to do is, you know continue to, if you have the updated forms for the pended condition to send in at the point where you are able to send them in again that updated evaluation we could have it reviewed, see if that particular issue can be cleared at that time but we will have you hold off until the new system goes live in August before you complete a new health history form and then continue with the process. At that point it'll probably flag the same conditions again but we'll have the paperwork on file and we can make a notation about that and move you along. So my number is 202-XXX-XXXX if you have any other specific questions. Otherwise what we'll ask you to do, is that if when the new system comes up, if you don't receive any kind of notification about completing a new health history form by the time of, let's say, the 3rd week in August, that if you could reach out to us again either through email or call me and we'll see what we need to do to maneuver you in the system to keep you moving along in this process and so I hope that's helpful for you. And if you have any other questions my number again is 202-XXX-XXXX."

Interesting. That is, by the way, the voicemail, word for word, without the "um"s. This is really good information to know. This is in response to this email, send 5/22:

Hello G-!

I have been trying to call the OMS, but I keep getting transferred to the wrong place, so I thought I would just send an email. I have a few questions.

1. My Peace Corps "Mytoolkit" has said that I sent my Medical forms in on June of last year, but that isn't correct. I only sent the Mental Health forms. Is there any way to correct this so that when I do send in my actual forms, this is what it says? I would just like to make sure that I know where I am in the process.

2. I know a few people who are also applying but in the last stages of Medical who got emails saying that they have to send in all of their forms by July 9th of this year, otherwise they won't be able to send them in or get them reviewed until after August. Is this true? I never got that email.

3. I heard that the Peace Corps is updating the application system to streamline the process in August. Is there any way I can put off my Medical until it is streamlined, or would that not include me since I already sent in my application and had my interview and nomination? I know that there is no guarantee that my deferral will be lifted come June, but I just would like to know my options.

Thank you so much! I know that these are a lot of questions and I know how much work you have to do in the Office of Medical services, but I am in limbo right now and had no idea who to contact.

Thanks again!

-

I know I sound like such a suck up, but I definitely did not want it to sound like I was hounding them.

I'm very glad to finally know what it going on though, and I'm thankful that the Nurse took time out of her day to call me. It calms my nerves to know what exactly is going on, and that I will get a second chance at filling out the Health Forms. haha. Now I just have to find the updated mental health forms that they sent me earlier so that I can have them filled out and sent back.

Hope this is helpful to the Peace Corps people out there! Have a great weekend!

Advice

I'm not sure I'm the right person to go to for advice, to be honest. I've been through a lot in my short life, yes, but I have not always been able to see clearly enough to make the right choices. I tend to be the person that you come to when you want to have a serious talk or you want a shoulder to cry on. I'm not sure how well my advice has served my friends over the years (Friends, if my advice has helped, feel free to let me know! haha).

So why am I about to write an entire blog post of advice for those entering college soon (or already in college)? Because I received this message on one of the social media websites that I use, and I just couldn't get it out of my head:
I really related to your blog post about the past five years of your life. I'm graduating from high school today and I have such huge plans for college, and I too plan to join the Peace Corps. The fact that it wasn't at all what you expected excites me. So thank you for encouraging my motivation and elation. :D
I found myself wanting to write back to this person with all of these little pieces of things that I have learned since high school, and even in high school. So I'm going to write them here. Maybe they can help somebody else along the way.

Mary's 9 Pieces of Life Advice

1. Decide which things in life you want to take seriously, and which ones you would rather joke about. You will save yourself a lot of frustration later on.
So what is this supposed to mean, especially in light of the "Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive" crowd? It means that there are definitely things in life you should take seriously. I'm not here to tell you which of those things in your life you should take seriously, just that you should have something that means enough to you that you definitely do not want to lose it. What do I take seriously? My personal beliefs, my future, and helping people, not necessarily in that order. It doesn't mean that you have to be serious all the time; decide where your values lie.

2. You can always change your mind. About anything. (Even sex). So, you may think that this in opposition to what I said previously, but if there is one thing that I have learned in growing up, it is that you can always change your mind, even about your most closely held values. But, it has to be you who changes your mind; don't let another person do that for you. Do not be afraid to do research on a topic; the more you know, the better off you are in your opinions on the matter. Don't take anything anybody says at face value. There are wonderful people out there, but there are also liars and those who would say anything to get somebody to do something that would benefit them.

3. Do not be afraid to go for it! Any of it! Ask somebody out. Put yourself out there. Join a club. Put yourself in the position to meet new people.
Some of my best friends (and let's face it for those who know me, some of my best stories) have resulted from just doing something out of the ordinary. Going to a party alone. Watching movies with somebody who you may not know too well. Taking a class in something that is not in your major but you have always had interest in. Asking somebody out... Don't be afraid of the embarrassment; it passes. I have had both side of the experience of asking somebody out: the first time resulted in complete and utter embarrassment on so many levels, but it is such a great story to laugh about these days, whereas the second time, a beautiful, wonderful, amazing relationship resulted that enriched my life so much at the time. (Pro tip: If, by some chance, you are as weird/creative as I am, do not, under any circumstances, ask the person out using a hand-made, glittery, pop-up card on Valentine's Day written in a completely different language. Do not do this unless you are 99.99% sure that the person you like may like you back. There, I just saved you from an epic amount of embarrassment.)

4. You will regret the things you didn't do more than the things that you did. Unless you wind up in jail. Then, this advice doesn't apply.
But seriously, people told me this over and over and I didn't listen. I can tell you now, from the "hindsight is 20/20" perspective, this is absolutely true. I regret not continuing with certain clubs. I regret not asking certain people out. I regret not fully exploring more nights out and less nights sleeping, even though I needed the sleep. I regret not getting to know people that showed an interest in me. I have far fewer regrets about anything I have actually done, and none that I can think of at the moment.

5. Travel! I cannot say this enough! Travel, Travel, TRAVEL!
There is a lot to be learned from traveling. You can meet people you never knew existed, learn about problems that you didn't even know about, and in the process, you can learn so much about yourself. How much comfort can you do without? Are you happy in a crowd of people that look nothing like you? Can you enjoy time spent in relative silence? How long can you go without the internet? How many bodily functions can embarrass you along the way? You can learn the answers to all of these questions and more, just by traveling. Even if you don't travel to another country, travel to a different city. If you spend a lot of time in the suburbs, go somewhere rural for a day or two. Same for the city. If you spend a lot of time in the middle of nowhere, go spend a few days in the city. It is amazing how different life can be only a few miles from where you are now. And if you can't take time off to travel? Explore your town. You'd be surprised the things there are to find.

6. There is more out there to learn than looks like it. Do something that you think is impossible, because it probably is not as bad as it seems.
Don't be afraid to do something just for you. I was absolutely terrified of heights, and I bungee jumped, just to prove to myself that I couldn't let fear take over my life. And it was amazing! I promise you, that when you think you cannot do something, and you end up doing it, you will feel so good about yourself afterwards. Want to write a book but aren't that good with grammar? Do it anyway, and have a friend help you edit it! Want to take a class that looks really hard? Take it pass/fail and do your best, or, if you have the time to devote to it, take it for a grade and work your butt off. My sophomore year, I took a Civil and Political Rights and Liberties class that I thought was going to be the death of me. I could not, for the life of me, memorize all of the cases that we were supposed to memorize, but, with a little advice from a teacher, and a bit of help from a sorority sister, I managed to pull the C- up to a B+. I have never been so proud of a B+ in my life. Push your own limits, but also know your limits. Don't worry about looking foolish! We've all been there.

7. If something "bad" happens, and you have the capability and mental capacity to talk about it, share. I promise you that not only will you be helping people who have also gone through that, or will go through that, but you will be surprised at the amount of support that comes out of the woodwork.
I'm going to get a little personal on this one, but hey, this is my blog, and I can do what I want. It is hard to go through bad things, but we are human, and bad things will happen. Some people have issues with mental illness, and I count myself among them. It is nothing to be ashamed of. There is a stigma because we allow this stigma to be there. Listen to what Harvey Milk said (this applies to being gay, but can also really apply to anything that has stigma surrounding it): "Gay brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene." This is such a great quote to live by! Break down the myths that surround whatever you may be going through, whether it is family issues, money issues, issues with school, any and all of it. That's what friends are for. I thought, that when I announced to my sorority that I was going to be telling my story as the first person in the "Survivor Speak-Out" during Take Back the Night my senior year of college, only my few closest friends in the house would come out to support me. But so many more women came out to show an extraordinary level of support for something that not many people like to talk about. It was amazing.
If, however, something bad happens and you feel you have nobody to turn to, do not forget that every college campus has a counseling center, and usually their services are free. I'm not ashamed to admit that I went to mine more than once, and they can really help. At my school, they had support groups for all kinds of different things: homesickness, relationships, trouble in school. There is always somebody out there will to support you; don't be afraid to let them.

8. Work, if only part time. But, definitely work.
Not only will your wallet thank you, but so will your resume. A part time job during college can be a great source of spending money and experience, especially if it is doing something you either love or hate. Look at it this way: If you love it, awesome, it's not really work, it's just something you do that happens to give you money. If you hate it, great, now you know you need to work hard in class so you never have to work in that kind of job again. It's win/win. But don't break your back working too hard, especially because you should have time to enjoy yourselves, which brings us to the last piece of advice...

9. Have fun! Sometimes, you need to just not give a damn and do something that you want to do. As long as you aren't hurting anybody, go for it. Enjoy your life! You only get one.

If any readers have any more pieces of life advice to give, please feel free to leave them in the comments. If I get enough, I may do another post!

June 4, 2007

On this date 5 years ago, I graduated from high school, ready and willing to take on the world.

In these past 5 years, so much has happened. I have traveled to more places than I ever dreamed possible. I have had absolutely frightening, absolutely enthralling, and absolutely wonderful experiences. I have made friends that I hope I never lose. I have proven to myself that I can do things that I never thought possible. I have been in love and been loved. I have survived. I have thrived. I have discovered the beauty around me. I have cried over loss, cried from happiness, and cried for no other reason than to get it out of my system.

5 years ago today, I didn't yet know what happened to Harry Potter in his final search for Voldemort. I had not reached age 18 yet. I had absolutely no thoughts of joining a sorority, and was, in fact, celebrating my "Most Unique" title. I had no idea what a big or a little was, or how special they could be, and how much they could mean to me. I had never lived on my own for more than 3 weeks. I had never owned a Macbook. I hadn't had anything tattooed or pierced (besides my ears). I had never been to Ireland, Tanzania, or Nicaragua, nor did I even spare a thought that they could possibly be in my future. I hadn't lost my aunt to cancer... I didn't even know she had cancer. I didn't outright identify as a feminist, though I always had the tendencies. I only had 9 cousins, and nobody was married or had children. I had never been in a "serious" relationship. I hadn't yet made my Luna Lovegood costume for the midnight release party. I hadn't yet fallen in with the two best friends a girl could ask for. I had drive, but I had no idea what I was going to use it for. I had not been to hospital because of my own stupid mistakes. I had not yet found what I currently consider to be my calling.

5 years can seem like a long time, and yet no time at all. I can still distinctly remember sitting in Continental Airlines Arena, listening to the head honcho drone on, counting every name on the list so I could figure out the exact number of people I was graduating with. I remember being cold and hot at the same time. I remember searching for my parents' faces in the crowd. I remember yelling at my aunt and uncle. I remember how nervous I was to walk across the stage, how much I felt like I was going to trip. I remember singing in the choir during different parts of the graduation. I remember listening to a speech I thought was excellent, and then a speech I felt was lackluster. Or vice versa. I remember thinking how stupid it was that girls had to wear white, especially because it could be extra embarrassing if a little something should come early.

It's been over a year since I graduated college as well, and yet it still doesn't feel real... Life is a crazy journey!

-

On a Peace Corps related note, I update my "Timeline" to include an email I sent out over a week ago that I am still waiting to hear back on. Once I do, I will make it into a post.

Los Angeles

It was wonderful to finally get out to LA after a (very) long 8-month wait. I really missed my friends, I missed the area, and I missed the sunshine. I missed the heat. I missed the traffic on the 10 and the 405. I missed Diddy Riese, In-N-Out, and yes, even Del Taco. I missed USC. I missed South Central. I basically missed everything there was to miss and not to miss.

I felt free for the first time in months. I felt like me again.

I know that I am eventually going to have to move out there, without a doubt. I know I don't belong on the East Coast, but this is where I am at the moment and I am trying to make the best of it in every way possible. I even applied for a *real* job today! I am more than likely not going to get it, but a girl can dream, can't she? Ha!

I'm upset that I did not get to see as many people as I wanted to see, nor as many sights as I wanted to see, but I finally did do the hike in Griffith Park. One week was way too short.

On the Peace Corps front, I have definitely decided to put off leaving until at least next August. If I get the job that I applied for, I can plan my class schedule in such a way that I will have all of my classes done by next August, at which point I will be ready to leave. Hopefully, I can squeeze the MCAT in there somewhere, but we know that plans always change. Here's to hoping!

Another Update (May 2012)

So as of right now, I think, after my deferral is up for appeal again at the start of next month, I am not going to jump right into getting all of that stuff done. One, I think I want to push back my leave date by about a year, and two, I have a great job and I love it. Right now I tutor. I absolutely love the feeling of helping somebody succeed; there is almost no greater feeling in this world. I already promised two families that I would be in NJ through the next school year for their kids. I don't like to break these promises. Also, I will be taking a full course-load of classes at a local University to do all of the fun Pre-Med stuff that I never did at 'SC. I really want to finish all of the pre-reqs for Medical School before departing for the Peace Corps. I think this is the best option for me, especially because I want to start applying while in the PC. It seems strange to want to push back the Peace Corps by a few more months after being devastated that they deferred me for far longer than I would have liked or that I found comfortable at the time. I guess there may be a reason for everything on this small ball of chaos floating in space. I hope everybody is having a wonderful May! I will write about my trip to LA in my next post!

Death

So here is the post on death as promised!

Death is an interesting topic, especially in terms of traveling or even being far from the one who is dying or has died.

My aunt died in early 2009. She lived on the other side of the country. The last time I saw her was Thanksgiving of 2008. The last time my mom (her sister) saw her was summer of 2008. We knew she would not make it to another Christmas, but we didn't realize how soon she would pass. My mom had actually made flight arrangements to see her, but she died a week before my mom was going to fly out there.

When I learned of her death, I couldn't believe it. Of course I knew it would happen (she had cancer), but I didn't realize how soon. I thought I had more time, more time to hear her stories, more time to take pictures of/with her, just... more time. I think of all of the things I could have said or did differently, if only to make her a little more comfortable. I think a lot of us do that when we are in mourning. "What is the last thing I said to her?" "Does she know that I cared?" "How is everybody else doing?"

Death has been on my mind a lot, mostly because of the two car accidents I have gotten into in the past 5 months. It is just terrifying to know that what you are working so hard towards can be taken away at a moment's notice.

I think I have a weird relationship with death, mostly because I don't believe in the after life. I believe that the time we have is the time we have, and we should make the best of it while we can, do what we enjoy, and just live. I didn't even realize I had such a worldview until Niall pointed out that not once did I mention seeing my aunt again during the speech I wrote for her memorial service. It makes sense, really.

I'm sure that this is also why death affects me in the way that it does. Anybody who knows me can tell you that I am a big crier. I cry when I am happy, when I am angry, and especially when I am sad. It's a weird achy feeling, a hole, a pain.

Anyway, I really wanted to write about this topic because a soldier from my town recently died while serving overseas. My town is tiny (1.09 sq mi), everybody basically knows everybody, and people really care about each other here, as I explained in one of my previous posts. When the body of the soldier was driven through town, there were people lining the streets, all of the street lamps had yellow ribbons tied around them, and you couldn't walk a foot without seeing an American flag. It was a beautiful display of solidarity.

It also hit me hard, not because I knew the soldier (I know the family, in the way that you know a family that has grown up in the same small town as you), but because he was so close to coming home. He was a little over two weeks from coming home. His sister had arranged her wedding so that he could attend. Really, the circumstances are just sad.

And bringing this back to the Peace Corps, or traveling in general, I always wonder what would happen if I died abroad, or while serving in the Peace Corps, or while flying across the country to visit friends. In my mind, I know that anything can happen so I shouldn't worry about it, but I still worry because I do travel so much...

When I first started to really research the Peace Corps, I wanted to see how many people had died in service, and how they had died. Now, that sounds morbid, and it probably is, but this is how my mind works: plan for the worst case scenario, and be pleasantly surprised when everything works out fine. Here are some stats for you:
- Since it's inception in 1961, 284 volunteers have died.
- Over 200,000 people have served, therefore, the death rate is less than 0.2%.
- Number of deaths in the last five years: 2011-5, 2010-2, 2009-3, 2008-2, and 2007-4.
- Various ways death has occurred: motor vehicle accident, murder, accidents on site, natural causes, illness, and I believe I also read of one volunteer being eaten by a crocodile, one getting trampled by an elephant, and one dying from a shark attack.
- If you want more information, http://fpcv.org/ is a great resource. It is dedicated to every PCV who has lost his or her life.

So, death happens. But so does life.

My biggest fear is that somebody I love will die suddenly while I am abroad. My grandparents are old, and I've seen enough tragedy to know that even young people can be struck down in their prime by very unfortunate circumstances.

I just hope, when I eventually get through medical and get invited, that my "good-byes" to those I love are not last "goodbye"s but rather, "see you later"s.

All Types of Training

Yes, I know. I said my next post was going to be about death. However, I have something else on my mind, so I thought I would share.

We spend so much time being trained in life. School is training for the future. Various job positions have a few days or a few weeks of training before you are on your own. Many volunteer positions require either training or a solid background in something in order to not be trained. Training is a big part of our lives, whether we realize it or not.

Today, I completed my second day of training for a volunteer position on an online hotline. In my life, I have been trained to: help a woman at birth, volunteer on a phone hotline, teach sex ed to middle school students, teach HIV/AIDS education to high school students in a different country, set up for and clean up after a Catholic Mass or Wedding, work as a receptionist, drive students around, speak appropriately to young ladies, bartend... really, any number of things.

In all honesty, I find any sort of training fascinating, but then again, I love to absorb information. From what I have read, the Peace Corps training process is intense and exhausting. For those who don't know, the PC training is a 2-3 month long process, where you are not only trained in what your "sector" is, but also taught the language of the place you will be, as well as, from what I have gleaned, various other topics related to service.

I am so excited to one day go through the entire thing. I know I am technically still in the application process (ugh, deferrals), but I can't help but hold onto that dream. One day, it will all be worth it. And one day, when I come back and complain about how much work training is, and how it exhausts me, I'm going to read this entry. Because it is worth it!

Updates

I just wanted to let everybody know I added an "About Me" tab up at the top there. I also updated my "Peace Corps Timeline" (which I'm going to update again as soon as I find the letter they sent me 3 months ago) and my "Helpful Hints" tab. Feel free to peruse, browse, comment, or anything. It's a reminder I'm not just talking to myself on here!

:-)

Small Town Life

Before I begin this blog post, I would like to say that I have had two ideas for blog posts floating around in my head for about two weeks now. The first one is on traveling/distance and illness/death, which will be coming in the next few weeks, and the second one is this blog post, on small town life. It isn't so much about traveling, more about what I leave behind when I do travel.

...

I live in a small suburban town in northeast NJ. There isn't much diversity and there isn't much to do. And everybody basically knows everybody.

I have to say, I hated my town when I was a teenager. I really, truly counted down the days until I could leave for college. This hatred is probably one of the reasons that I went so far away for college, as far as I could possibly go without crossing an ocean.

Let me backtrack. I'm a bit different. Not in the "special snowflake" way, but mostly the problem is sometimes I have trouble in social situations. I'm awkward. I'm much, much better now, but I spent a lot of time growing up not really knowing how to act around people. I was different enough, though, to become an easy target for teasing. Middle school was basically hell, which is one of the reasons that I didn't go to my public high school. It basically drove me to the brink of suicide. It was terrible.

High school was a little better, but I still lived in my town. Does anybody remember the "xanga" phase? You know, like before/during the time period when livejournal was popular, lots of people had xangas and myspaces (I feel ancient talking about this) and wrote about the "trials and tribulations" of teenage life. Yes, I had one of those, and I rediscovered it recently. I definitely had more than one blog post about how crappy my town was and how it sucked, and really, all the stuff a person says when they hate where they are from.

I have to be honest, I meant it at the time, but now I look back and it is just stupid. I was stupid. But then again, if I had never left, never traveled, I probably would not have realized this.

My perspective has changed.

Today, I look around, and I can't imagine growing up any place but where I grew up. This place may not be perfect, but it is my town. For a 1.09 square mile town, we have had quite a few tragedies that have united us. We lost somebody on 9/11. We had a child die a few years ago, my best friend's youngest sister's friend. A few years before that, half of family died when they were hit by a car as they were walking to the elementary school. Most recently, we lost a Marine. And each time these things happened, the outpouring of love and support were overwhelming. The people of the town really came together to show how much it meant to be part of this community.

When I think about having children (and I really don't think about this often), I think I want them to grow up in a small suburban town. The support system here is wonderful. Although, I have to admit, it can also really be a downer when everybody knows your business. But still, it is kind of wonderful.

After spending a few years in Los Angeles, I started to believe that the impersonal was better. The less you invest yourself in other people, the less you get hurt. Yes, certain communities within LA unite and take care of each other, but it is, at it's heart, a city. And cities just do not have that same support that towns have. It was weird to come back. Maybe my dreams are too big for where I grew up, but what big dreams aren't?

My dad grew up in this town. My grandparents still have a house here.

After being gone for 4 years, it is amazing to come back and have a conversation with people that I haven't seen in years. It's also funny when somebody says something along the lines of "How old are you now? I remember when you were as tall as my knee!" It really, truly amazes me how much people can be invested in the lives of the people within their town. It is beautiful.

So, for anybody reading this who has had to listen to me rant about how terrible my town is, I take it back, I apologize. My town is amazing. My town is wonderful. It has it's faults, no doubt, but it is my home.