Advice

I'm not sure I'm the right person to go to for advice, to be honest. I've been through a lot in my short life, yes, but I have not always been able to see clearly enough to make the right choices. I tend to be the person that you come to when you want to have a serious talk or you want a shoulder to cry on. I'm not sure how well my advice has served my friends over the years (Friends, if my advice has helped, feel free to let me know! haha).

So why am I about to write an entire blog post of advice for those entering college soon (or already in college)? Because I received this message on one of the social media websites that I use, and I just couldn't get it out of my head:
I really related to your blog post about the past five years of your life. I'm graduating from high school today and I have such huge plans for college, and I too plan to join the Peace Corps. The fact that it wasn't at all what you expected excites me. So thank you for encouraging my motivation and elation. :D
I found myself wanting to write back to this person with all of these little pieces of things that I have learned since high school, and even in high school. So I'm going to write them here. Maybe they can help somebody else along the way.

Mary's 9 Pieces of Life Advice

1. Decide which things in life you want to take seriously, and which ones you would rather joke about. You will save yourself a lot of frustration later on.
So what is this supposed to mean, especially in light of the "Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive" crowd? It means that there are definitely things in life you should take seriously. I'm not here to tell you which of those things in your life you should take seriously, just that you should have something that means enough to you that you definitely do not want to lose it. What do I take seriously? My personal beliefs, my future, and helping people, not necessarily in that order. It doesn't mean that you have to be serious all the time; decide where your values lie.

2. You can always change your mind. About anything. (Even sex). So, you may think that this in opposition to what I said previously, but if there is one thing that I have learned in growing up, it is that you can always change your mind, even about your most closely held values. But, it has to be you who changes your mind; don't let another person do that for you. Do not be afraid to do research on a topic; the more you know, the better off you are in your opinions on the matter. Don't take anything anybody says at face value. There are wonderful people out there, but there are also liars and those who would say anything to get somebody to do something that would benefit them.

3. Do not be afraid to go for it! Any of it! Ask somebody out. Put yourself out there. Join a club. Put yourself in the position to meet new people.
Some of my best friends (and let's face it for those who know me, some of my best stories) have resulted from just doing something out of the ordinary. Going to a party alone. Watching movies with somebody who you may not know too well. Taking a class in something that is not in your major but you have always had interest in. Asking somebody out... Don't be afraid of the embarrassment; it passes. I have had both side of the experience of asking somebody out: the first time resulted in complete and utter embarrassment on so many levels, but it is such a great story to laugh about these days, whereas the second time, a beautiful, wonderful, amazing relationship resulted that enriched my life so much at the time. (Pro tip: If, by some chance, you are as weird/creative as I am, do not, under any circumstances, ask the person out using a hand-made, glittery, pop-up card on Valentine's Day written in a completely different language. Do not do this unless you are 99.99% sure that the person you like may like you back. There, I just saved you from an epic amount of embarrassment.)

4. You will regret the things you didn't do more than the things that you did. Unless you wind up in jail. Then, this advice doesn't apply.
But seriously, people told me this over and over and I didn't listen. I can tell you now, from the "hindsight is 20/20" perspective, this is absolutely true. I regret not continuing with certain clubs. I regret not asking certain people out. I regret not fully exploring more nights out and less nights sleeping, even though I needed the sleep. I regret not getting to know people that showed an interest in me. I have far fewer regrets about anything I have actually done, and none that I can think of at the moment.

5. Travel! I cannot say this enough! Travel, Travel, TRAVEL!
There is a lot to be learned from traveling. You can meet people you never knew existed, learn about problems that you didn't even know about, and in the process, you can learn so much about yourself. How much comfort can you do without? Are you happy in a crowd of people that look nothing like you? Can you enjoy time spent in relative silence? How long can you go without the internet? How many bodily functions can embarrass you along the way? You can learn the answers to all of these questions and more, just by traveling. Even if you don't travel to another country, travel to a different city. If you spend a lot of time in the suburbs, go somewhere rural for a day or two. Same for the city. If you spend a lot of time in the middle of nowhere, go spend a few days in the city. It is amazing how different life can be only a few miles from where you are now. And if you can't take time off to travel? Explore your town. You'd be surprised the things there are to find.

6. There is more out there to learn than looks like it. Do something that you think is impossible, because it probably is not as bad as it seems.
Don't be afraid to do something just for you. I was absolutely terrified of heights, and I bungee jumped, just to prove to myself that I couldn't let fear take over my life. And it was amazing! I promise you, that when you think you cannot do something, and you end up doing it, you will feel so good about yourself afterwards. Want to write a book but aren't that good with grammar? Do it anyway, and have a friend help you edit it! Want to take a class that looks really hard? Take it pass/fail and do your best, or, if you have the time to devote to it, take it for a grade and work your butt off. My sophomore year, I took a Civil and Political Rights and Liberties class that I thought was going to be the death of me. I could not, for the life of me, memorize all of the cases that we were supposed to memorize, but, with a little advice from a teacher, and a bit of help from a sorority sister, I managed to pull the C- up to a B+. I have never been so proud of a B+ in my life. Push your own limits, but also know your limits. Don't worry about looking foolish! We've all been there.

7. If something "bad" happens, and you have the capability and mental capacity to talk about it, share. I promise you that not only will you be helping people who have also gone through that, or will go through that, but you will be surprised at the amount of support that comes out of the woodwork.
I'm going to get a little personal on this one, but hey, this is my blog, and I can do what I want. It is hard to go through bad things, but we are human, and bad things will happen. Some people have issues with mental illness, and I count myself among them. It is nothing to be ashamed of. There is a stigma because we allow this stigma to be there. Listen to what Harvey Milk said (this applies to being gay, but can also really apply to anything that has stigma surrounding it): "Gay brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene." This is such a great quote to live by! Break down the myths that surround whatever you may be going through, whether it is family issues, money issues, issues with school, any and all of it. That's what friends are for. I thought, that when I announced to my sorority that I was going to be telling my story as the first person in the "Survivor Speak-Out" during Take Back the Night my senior year of college, only my few closest friends in the house would come out to support me. But so many more women came out to show an extraordinary level of support for something that not many people like to talk about. It was amazing.
If, however, something bad happens and you feel you have nobody to turn to, do not forget that every college campus has a counseling center, and usually their services are free. I'm not ashamed to admit that I went to mine more than once, and they can really help. At my school, they had support groups for all kinds of different things: homesickness, relationships, trouble in school. There is always somebody out there will to support you; don't be afraid to let them.

8. Work, if only part time. But, definitely work.
Not only will your wallet thank you, but so will your resume. A part time job during college can be a great source of spending money and experience, especially if it is doing something you either love or hate. Look at it this way: If you love it, awesome, it's not really work, it's just something you do that happens to give you money. If you hate it, great, now you know you need to work hard in class so you never have to work in that kind of job again. It's win/win. But don't break your back working too hard, especially because you should have time to enjoy yourselves, which brings us to the last piece of advice...

9. Have fun! Sometimes, you need to just not give a damn and do something that you want to do. As long as you aren't hurting anybody, go for it. Enjoy your life! You only get one.

If any readers have any more pieces of life advice to give, please feel free to leave them in the comments. If I get enough, I may do another post!