Sunday, December 11, 2011

Kindness (of Strangers, Family, & Friends)

Something I forgot to mention in my last post was that after the car accident, I was sitting in my car, just bawling my eyes and shaking. A few minutes later, I heard a knock on my window, and this guy who could not have been any older than I am had pulled over (keep in mind, this is on an extraordinarily busy highway in the middle of a monsoon-like rainstorm) to make sure that I was okay. He told me he wanted to make sure I was conscious and uninjured, because he had been in a car accident a few weeks ago, and somebody random had done the same for him. He and his friend stayed with me until the police came. I am very grateful for their kindness, and hope to repay the favor one day.

This whole scenario has me thinking about kindness, and how much we reach out, or don't reach out, to not only strangers, but the people we already have in our lives. A number of times I have been called silly or stupid for, as one detractor put it, "believing the world is all butterflies and rainbows." I have also been asked what planet I live on (more than once) when I talk about how I do believe people are wonderful and kind, and that we just have to give them a chance to show that part of themselves.

I have been so extraordinarily lucky in my lifetime to have experienced the kindness of strangers, friends, acquaintances, and family. In fact, after my car accident, I was pretty shaken up, so after driving down again the next day (I was attending a 3 day conference), I asked my cousin Ali if I could stay overnight at her house, which was only 10 minutes away from the conference center, as opposed to driving back to my house, which was over an hour away. Her and her husband James welcomed me into their home for the night, and I am so happy and grateful that they did.

One thing I couldn't help but notice with the fact that this stranger helped me by staying with me in the middle of this rainstorm, is that every time my car has caused me some sort of trouble in NJ, somebody has always stopped to help me, but in LA, every single time my car caused me trouble (which was, I need to point out, often), not a single stranger stopped to help me, albeit, my friends and sorority sisters did help transport me when I needed it. I try to pay that back as well.

I have more stories of the kindness of strangers, including the kindness of strangers abroad, but before I embark on that post, tell me, dear readers, what are your experiences with the kindness of strangers? Have you ever stopped for somebody you didn't know?

I hope your weekend is going well!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Fear

I cannot stop crying right now. I was in a car accident tonight that was extraordinarily scary, where I thought I was going to die, and I keep randomly bursting into tears. I think this is how I am coping. Perhaps, if/when I get into the Peace Corps, I will be glad to be rid of driving for two years, as opposed to being upset about it. I love to drive, but after tonight, I am extraordinarily shaken up.

I think the funniest thing about this accident tonight is the fact that my life didn't flash before my eyes; my future evaporated before my eyes. It was like "medical school? *poof*! extensive traveling/Peace Corps? *poof*! a chance at a family? *poof*! being a success? *poof*!" I can't be the only one this has happened to, right?

It was startling, and I think it says a lot about where my focus is. Always on the future, always ready to plan something new. My biggest fear is honestly not being able to accomplish everything that I wish to accomplish in my lifetime, of dropping out of school, of messing up my life, of disappointing myself and the people around me, of never being able to travel outside of the country for an extended period of time again.

I look to travel to keep me sane, and yet I also fear for the worst when I do travel. It is an interesting way to look at life.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rejection

Sorry for the 3 month gap. Life got a little sad, and a little hectic. I promise I will update y'all on the Peace Corps stuff, but first, I would like to muse about rejection. Yes, this is supposed to be a travel blog, but I will tie it all together, I promise.

The more I get used to being rejected (by organizations, potential partners, even longtime friends), the more I realize perhaps a traveling life is for me. Rejection hurts. It is something that a person needs to get used to. It is something that makes me, personally, question my core values. What did I do wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? Have all the activities I have been doing for the past -forever- amounted to nothing? Should I learn to keep my mouth shut? Can I blame my mental illness? Can I blame the people who caused my mental illness? Why am I even thinking like this? Why can't I just get over it? And so on and so forth into a spiral of anxiety. Welcome to my brain.

Traveling, first and foremost, lets me step outside of this incessant naval-gazing. I like to let the experience, the culture, the language, the people, wash over me. It really brings me outside of myself, forces me to re-examine the way I think through things and the way I see the world and the way I see how people relate to each other. It also makes me re-examine my place in life. Why complain when I have so much?

Traveling also lets me run away. I'm going to be up front here. Sometimes, I like the thrill of a new place and new people and new food and new everything. I'm not really one to settle in one place. Everywhere I go, I fall in love. (Seriously, ask any of my friends. I came back from TZ, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from IRL, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from Nicaragua, "OMG I have to go again, for much longer, maybe for a year.")

Having to move back to the place that I "escaped" from was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and all of my friends in NJ, but I absolutely love LA. I know LA. I'm comfortable there. And now I'm itching to travel again. Being stuck in NJ is a major downer.

If I didn't have student loans to pay off, I would probably take what little money I have and just go backpacking somewhere. Or get a job on a cruise ship. Or learn how to sail, and then work on boats, sailing around the world. Or just WWOOF it up. Or, get a visa, go to Europe or Asia or Africa or South America or Australia, and work while there, little jobs, to have money to just get by. I hate being tied to one place by financial obligations.

So, back to the Peace Corps. The reason it has taken me so long to write this post is because of some majorly disappointing news I got while on my train trip (which, I just realized, I don't think I have detailed for you all! I will! Later!). Basically, because of a misread on the paperwork, instead of lifting my deferment or keeping it as is, they extended it until June. Which means, I probably won't be leaving until 2013, if I qualify for service at all. Hence, this post on rejection.

So, until then, I will be doing as many things as possible to keep myself busy. In fact, these past few months have FLOWN by, and in that time, I have decided to take some pre-med classes, see how I do, and, if I enjoy them and do well in them, pursue medical school.

It's a cliche, but I will close with it anyway. When one door closes, another one opens. Although in my case, I guess I can say I just don't have the key to the door yet, so I'm looking out the window.

I wish everyone a wonderful December! (I will write again before January. promise!)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Train to Chicago!

Hello everyone!

After an adventurous 48 hours on an Amtrak train, my friend Shaimaa and I made it to Chicago on Tuesday. We leave for another 27 hour train ride to New Jersey later today. I'm going to be sick of trains after all of this!

But in all honesty, it has been quite a ride, and quite a fun adventure for two 20-somethings. The train ride itself provided enough fodder for one blog post!

First, before even getting on the train, checking my bags turned into an adventure. It took me half an hour to get everything settled and paid for, and luckily, the train people are so much nicer than the airline people, because the first 3 bags are free, and then each bag after that costs $10, with up to three additional bags. This is a great policy for somebody who is moving her entire life from one coast to another! Well, in the process of checking them, I had to rearrange one piece of luggage (only one! I have definitely been stuck in airports before doing the juggling-weight-between-bags thing, and it is never fun), and the rest barely made it the under 50 lb range, but that was okay. The biggest thing was that I forgot to label the bags... all of them! And my grandparents had specifically reminded me to do so. Luckily, the woman gave me some tags, and everything worked out pleasantly, although the people behind me in line sure got a wonderful show! I even had somebody comment on it later when I was waiting in the Starbucks that is located within Union Station in Los Angeles. Life is funny.

Second, the train itself was causing a few problems throughout the trip. The train was 20 minutes late arriving to the station, which really wasn't too big of a deal to me, but then, about 20 hours into the trip, in Albuquerque, NM, we had to wait over an hour and a half to have the dining car removed from the train because there were some technical difficulties with it. The bright side of that is everybody received free breakfast, lunch, and dinner until the train arrived in Chicago because they had no way of properly feeding us.

Third, the people on the train were fascinating. There was a guy who kept talking about being a missionary in Mexico, and the police suspected him of being a drug smuggler, and the line "You can check my bags all you want, but all you will find is Bibles," may have been said by this gentleman at one point. He then detailed to a guy sitting near us how he illegally smoked cigarettes on the train by illegally cracking open a window so nobody is the wiser. The two men sitting behind Shaimaa and I also spent a good hour and a half bashing California. The conductor was pretty funny, always making silly remarks are engaging us in conversation or banter, so that made the time pass pretty quickly. Overall, the staff on the train were quirky, memorable, and altogether made the trip a lot more fun!

The worst part about the train was trying to sleep. It was uncomfortable the first night, where we were each confined to a seat, but the second night, I managed to score the set of seats in front of us, so we each had our own two seats to ourselves, and we slept much better. The seats went back by a 45 degree angle and had leg rests under the seat that came up with a button, making it almost like a bed. It was pretty cool and definitely a good thing when you are confined to a train for so long.

The best part of the ride, by far, was the scenery. We traveled from Los Angeles to Chicago, so on the way we hit California, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, and Illinois. There were so many different types of nature that floated past the windows of the train car as we made our journey: tall trees, desert lands with no trees, exposed rock on cliff faces, mountains, the Missouri River, the Mississippi River, and lots of rain. It was rather interesting to take a train through what are usually called the "fly-over states," and if I have the time, I think it would be fun to do again.

Yesterday, we explored almost everything the both of us wanted to see in Chicago. We are exhausted! While on the train I will type up on entry, and I will post it when I get home, with pictures.

Also, keep your eye out for my new "Picture of the Month" feature, starting this month.

Hope everybody has an absolutely wonderful weekend!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Question for all of you!

Would you like a monthly feature where I upload a picture from my travels, and then explain the story behind the image? This has the potential to be pretty awesome, but I'm not sure if enough people have interest (not that a lot of people follow this blog anyway).

So let me know in the comments! Thanks!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Moving On...

Two posts in two days?! Can it be?!

Actually, yes. I have a lot on my mind, and a lot planned for the next few weeks. What is a nice way to say that I am a really anxious person? But honestly, I'm always looking toward the future, always planning, always crossing my fingers that things will work out, willing things to fall into place just the way I want them... this is not conducive at all to the kind of lifestyle I enjoy, or want to live.

When I am thinking about it, I can live in the moment. Every other time, though, I'm always thinking, thinking, thinking about the future. About my journey through life. About money. About paying back student loans. About finding a job. About the people in my life, and if they are proud of me. If I am okay with my actions... and on and on and on. It is crazy-making sometimes.

Anyway, I'm writing this because I realized it all at once. It hit me as I was going through notebooks from my freshman year of college. First, I can't believe that was four years ago. Whoa. But yes, I came across a note that just stopped in the middle of the story, and I was so anxious, racking my brain, trying to remember this insignificant moment so that I could satisfy the resolution of the story in my imagination. Not such luck. I'm not the kind of person who looks for signs, but the realization just dawned on me that, hey, this is what my life is right now. I'm in the middle, I can choose how to end it and where it goes and how well I live it and tell it. It was a very writer-y life realization, but a big one nonetheless.

So yes, I am moving across the country. I am leaving in 4 days and I am downright, absolutely, completely, and utterly terrified. I do not want to leave Southern California in the slightest. I'm focusing on my plans for New Jersey, so that I don't have to think about actually living in NJ. Yes, I love my family and my friends that I left behind four years ago, and have sporadically visited since then, but I just feel right in SoCal, like I never, ever felt right in Bergen County.

It's funny, because it was the same feeling leaving Ireland. I didn't want to, because it just felt like the right place to be for me... but I did leave, and it ended up being a great year, for the most part. I'm excited for what NJ will bring, but I don't know. I think, for the most part, I will just be counting down the days as more and more Peace Corps information comes in. I think that's why I'm taking 4 classes at 2 different colleges, and interning in NYC, and hopefully (if this job I heard back on yesterday works out) working in NY state; doing all of this, so I can make the time go by faster. It was the reason I volunteered this summer; I am unbearable to even myself when I have my mind completely set on something that is out of my control. Thinking about it all day, with nothing else to occupy me, it's crazy-making.

So this blog ended up being more personal than anything else, but hey, hopefully a few people can relate to all of these wonderful feelings associated with traveling.

Have a great weekend!

Peace Corps Application Process = Terrifying

Going through the entire Peace Corps application process is terrifying, exhilarating, and a true test of patience. In the past month, I have read quite a few blogs where things didn't work out well for Nominees or Invitees.

One guy, who made it all the way to his placement, was sent home after 22 days because of a rumor. A woman who was nominated twice just found out that she doesn't have enough experience in both of the areas that she was qualified for. A couple, 2 weeks before they were supposed to leave, had their invitation revoked because the husband accidentally forgot to include a small piece of medical information. A woman who had been serving in the Peace Corps for a few months was moved to a new location because of a tragedy, was only there for 3 months, decided that it just wasn't for her, left, reapplied to be put back where she originally was, and was denied.

And then there are those who get all the way through the process, only to drop out within the first few months. This process can take months upon months, sometimes years, and some people decide to get the invitation, accept, and then one or two weeks beforehand, decide that they don't want to do it. Or they can't get in to the service, or the people around them aren't cooperating or any number of things.

I'm not saying that these people are not entitled to leave at any point, especially if they are in a difficult position for themselves, and it does take a lot of courage to actually leave instead of coasting through however many months are left until their COS, but it is still frustrating as an applicant who just wants to be invited.

Sorry for just an entry full of complaint. Next week, I am going on a cross-country train adventure, so I should have some awesome stories to post after that. Until then, have a great weekend!

Friday, August 19, 2011

PC Timeline Update

Hey everyone! If any of you are remotely interested in how my Peace Corps journey is going, I have updated my timeline. Just click here and you can look and read to your heart's content.

My timeline page consists of a short timeline of the major things, a (much) longer timeline of all the little steps I have taken so far, and a summary of the cost to me so far. Feel free to comment (or not).

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sorry! And A Great Documentary

I know I have been away for a while, but I have been trying to get my life together for the big move home to the other side of the country! I promise I will write more before the end of the month, however, I'm leaving you with a documentary about Fistulas that aired on PBS. It's under an hour long, very informative, and is an explanation of one of the reasons why I would like to be a midwife in developing countries.

It is called "A Walk to Beautiful" and it is a great look at one woman's journey.

I first heart about fistulas this past January when reading "Half the Sky." I was both surprised and appalled that they are rarely treated and instead many women are left to die because of the stench. I was also surprised that I had not heard of them before then, but you live and you learn!

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week!

PS - Peace Corps Update: I'm sending my appeal paperwork by the end of this week. Wish me luck!