Rejection

Sorry for the 3 month gap. Life got a little sad, and a little hectic. I promise I will update y'all on the Peace Corps stuff, but first, I would like to muse about rejection. Yes, this is supposed to be a travel blog, but I will tie it all together, I promise.

The more I get used to being rejected (by organizations, potential partners, even longtime friends), the more I realize perhaps a traveling life is for me. Rejection hurts. It is something that a person needs to get used to. It is something that makes me, personally, question my core values. What did I do wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? Have all the activities I have been doing for the past -forever- amounted to nothing? Should I learn to keep my mouth shut? Can I blame my mental illness? Can I blame the people who caused my mental illness? Why am I even thinking like this? Why can't I just get over it? And so on and so forth into a spiral of anxiety. Welcome to my brain.

Traveling, first and foremost, lets me step outside of this incessant naval-gazing. I like to let the experience, the culture, the language, the people, wash over me. It really brings me outside of myself, forces me to re-examine the way I think through things and the way I see the world and the way I see how people relate to each other. It also makes me re-examine my place in life. Why complain when I have so much?

Traveling also lets me run away. I'm going to be up front here. Sometimes, I like the thrill of a new place and new people and new food and new everything. I'm not really one to settle in one place. Everywhere I go, I fall in love. (Seriously, ask any of my friends. I came back from TZ, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from IRL, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from Nicaragua, "OMG I have to go again, for much longer, maybe for a year.")

Having to move back to the place that I "escaped" from was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and all of my friends in NJ, but I absolutely love LA. I know LA. I'm comfortable there. And now I'm itching to travel again. Being stuck in NJ is a major downer.

If I didn't have student loans to pay off, I would probably take what little money I have and just go backpacking somewhere. Or get a job on a cruise ship. Or learn how to sail, and then work on boats, sailing around the world. Or just WWOOF it up. Or, get a visa, go to Europe or Asia or Africa or South America or Australia, and work while there, little jobs, to have money to just get by. I hate being tied to one place by financial obligations.

So, back to the Peace Corps. The reason it has taken me so long to write this post is because of some majorly disappointing news I got while on my train trip (which, I just realized, I don't think I have detailed for you all! I will! Later!). Basically, because of a misread on the paperwork, instead of lifting my deferment or keeping it as is, they extended it until June. Which means, I probably won't be leaving until 2013, if I qualify for service at all. Hence, this post on rejection.

So, until then, I will be doing as many things as possible to keep myself busy. In fact, these past few months have FLOWN by, and in that time, I have decided to take some pre-med classes, see how I do, and, if I enjoy them and do well in them, pursue medical school.

It's a cliche, but I will close with it anyway. When one door closes, another one opens. Although in my case, I guess I can say I just don't have the key to the door yet, so I'm looking out the window.

I wish everyone a wonderful December! (I will write again before January. promise!)