Fear

I cannot stop crying right now. I was in a car accident tonight that was extraordinarily scary, where I thought I was going to die, and I keep randomly bursting into tears. I think this is how I am coping. Perhaps, if/when I get into the Peace Corps, I will be glad to be rid of driving for two years, as opposed to being upset about it. I love to drive, but after tonight, I am extraordinarily shaken up.

I think the funniest thing about this accident tonight is the fact that my life didn't flash before my eyes; my future evaporated before my eyes. It was like "medical school? *poof*! extensive traveling/Peace Corps? *poof*! a chance at a family? *poof*! being a success? *poof*!" I can't be the only one this has happened to, right?

It was startling, and I think it says a lot about where my focus is. Always on the future, always ready to plan something new. My biggest fear is honestly not being able to accomplish everything that I wish to accomplish in my lifetime, of dropping out of school, of messing up my life, of disappointing myself and the people around me, of never being able to travel outside of the country for an extended period of time again.

I look to travel to keep me sane, and yet I also fear for the worst when I do travel. It is an interesting way to look at life.