In my life, I have been raped twice. The first time, I was at school. That's not what this post is about. The second time it happened, I was in a different country...
Being a victim of rape sucks. There is absolutely no other way to say it, and I'm not going to try to appeal to a twisted sense of decency to say that it is anything but terrible, disgusting, and dehumanizing.
Being a victim a second time sucks twice as hard, because then you start to question yourself (moreso, if you didn't the first time). "Did I do something to cause this?" "Was it something I said or did or wore?" "Am I just looking at this the wrong way?"
Having this go down in a foreign country sucks even worse. "Did I say something that would culturally make him/her think s/he could act this way?" "Is this what normally happens?" "If I tell people, will they blame me for having traveled here?" "How do I report this, and to whom?" And the number one question: "Will they even believe me?"
Why am I writing this?
- Because I am following my own advice, the "if you have the capability to talk about something that happened to you, do it" advice from a few posts ago.
- Because the fact that I love to travel does not mean that I have always had good experiences.
- Because it happens a lot more often than anybody who is trying to get you to travel would like you to believe.
- Because the stories from Take Back the Night last year about women who studied abroad and were raped abroad pulled at my heartstrings. Also, the sheer number of women who said that it had happened to them makes me sick.
- Because study abroad packets don't prepare you for this shit.
- Because despite this, I still do what I love, and you can too. Healing takes time and everybody is on a different "schedule" of sorts.
- Because I do rape crisis counseling, and hearing even one story can inspire somebody to come forward with their own, because they don't feel so alone.
I am not writing this for attention. If you think so, you can get the f*ck off of my blog, because I don't want your twisted rationale messing up my writing space.
I'm not going to get into specifics here, except to say that it was scary. At first, I didn't know what to call it. I didn't even actually call it "rape" until about a year after it happened, after a lot of processing of the situation. I didn't press charges, and, in fact, I didn't do anything. I'm pretty sure the guy has no idea what he did.
This is not to say that what he did is okay. It is the opposite of okay. It is appalling.
Rape is hardly discussed, even if you watch Law & Order: SVU or go to your school's Take Back the Night. And even when it is discussed, a lot of times myths abound: stranger rape, rape is about sex not power, don't go out at night, watch your drink, etc. It is almost never discussed in terms of traveling or studying abroad.
How many young women and men study abroad every year? Thousands upon thousands. When you take into account the percentage of people of each sex raped in their lifetime, there have to be more than a few rapes of US citizens that occur outside of the borders of the USA. How do we handle this? How do we help these people? Correct me if I am wrong, but I'm not aware of any campaign to help publicize rape crisis resources for those abroad.
I'm not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this post, other than to say that if this has happened to you, you are not alone. Feel free to email me, or leave an anonymous comment, or whatever. What happened is not your fault, and you shouldn't feel ashamed. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise.
3 comments:
Just wanted to leave a note with how grateful I am that you've posted this. I became a victim of rape while completing an independent study abroad in Peru, and realized then there were no resources available for me. I have begun the process of starting a program specifically to aid these students. I am motivated by the thought that I will be able to help young people like myself. I hate that (for now, at least), my work will only affect those attending my alma mater, but perhaps this program will become a model for other universities. Fingers crossed!
Can you please contact me...we are working to get oversight, accountability and laws on abroad programs. rthackur@aol.com
Hello thank you so much for your braveness it takes a lot to come out and tell the world what you have gone through. Im a student currently looking at women who have been raped abroad. There seems to be no help from the british government as they can only with within there limits. I feel that this is a serious issue that should be put forward to the house of commons asap. We as women can make this work feel free to contact me im working on looking at violence against women. Lets make a change for all women and aknoledge that this is a problem as human we have our rights but once we leave eu soil we become victims and vunrable componet of society being women.
Talliah05@hotmail.com
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