Paperwork Galore!

I haven't even gotten all of my Medical Paperwork yet, and I still feel overwhelmed by all of it. Between the Cambodian Visa, the Peace Corps Passport, and all of the materials that I have to read about Cambodia, I feel swamped. I've written my Aspiration Statement, and I hate it, so I'm hoping to edit and maybe re-edit it some more until I find it adequate. I haven't even done the resume portion yet.

This is going to be interesting...

INVITATION!!

Last night, I received my invitation. I'm going to...

That's right! I'll be going to Cambodia.

...

What will I be doing there?

Community Health Education! My job title specifically is "Health Education Extension Agent."

...

Have I accepted my invitation?

Of course!

...

It's actually happening! I can't believe it! It's actually happening!

I'm going to be a member of the Peace Corps! I've dreamed of this moment for over a decade.

...


I promise that a more detailed post will come later, but for the next few days I want to bask in the glory of this invitation. When the paperwork comes, well, I will probably write a post to procrastinate! Haha

I am Terrified. Absolutely terrified, and tired. So tired.

So what is this post about? My current feelings regarding leaving for the Peace Corps, since it is actually going to happen! It's only a matter of time...

I want to preface this by saying I like to be 100% honest in my blog posts. I won't sugarcoat my feelings, but rather, I will lay them out raw and unprocessed, for you to digest in your own way. With that being said...

I am downright, absolutely, beyond all measure terrified. And that is exhilarating to an extent, but it is also making me nervous. I know that it is okay to be afraid, and that this is a completely normal response to the unknown, since, at the moment, I have no idea where I am going or when I am leaving.

I am scared of leaving the comfort of my home. I am scared of leaving the people I care for dearly. I'm scared of the possibility that I may never see some of them again, through acts of fate or through old age or just through plain bad circumstances. I'm scared of changing for the worse; hell, I'm scared of changing for the better. I like who I am at this moment in time. I am finally 99% comfortable with who I am and what I believe, and I'm about the shake that up. I know that the experience will irreversibly change me. I'm open to it, and afraid.

I'm scared of so many of the normal things that come with moving on to new things: Will the other volunteers like me? Will I like my host family? Will I like where I live? What if I do something embarrassing? I've "started over," in a sense, so many times before that I know that these feelings are completely normal and come with the territory. But, knowing that I am starting over in a culture probably completely different from my own is amplifying these questions in my mind.

It's no wonder I'm tired when I spend a good portion of my day thinking about these things! But these are not the only reason I am tired...

I'm tired of people questioning my sanity, my intentions, and my future. One of the families that I tutor for has been rather mean about the whole thing: "What about your schooling? What about the MCAT? Don't you think you should stay until you are done completely? I think you should stay and wait to do this later; it really is in your best interest." No, just no. I have been working for you for 8 months, but I have to known I have wanted to do this for the past decade of my life, and I'm the one who has to live with myself in the end. I can always replicate schooling. I cannot replicate everything that the Peace Corps has to offer.

I'm tired of certain people looking at this as a joke, as another phase. It isn't. I have never been so set on something in my entire life. Why would I waste 2 years trying to get in if it wasn't what I truly wanted?

I'm just tired of having to explain myself, honestly. I want to do this. I know that I've wanted to do this for a very long time. There is just so much that can come from this experience.

I'm tired of answering why, but I will continue to, because my answer is "Why not?"

I will follow my dreams. I will not let fear guide me.

So Many Updates!

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. Between 30 hours of tutoring a week, and a full course load (Bio, Chem, Physics, & Calc), I haven't had much of a spare moment, but...

I did hear from Peace Corps.

So basically, I had to re-start from the beginning, sort of. I had to fill out the application, which took me about 4 hours one night (yay for saving the first time around). So I did that, but then there was some confusion, so I was going through the beginning of the application process and Medical Pre-Clearance at the same time. I got Medically Cleared (FINALLY!), and then I had my interview and was told I would be nominated. My recruiter was really nice, and was totally on my side.

 I interviewed on Friday, February 8th, (exactly 2 years and 1 week from my original interview), and was nominated on Valentine's Day after checking in with my recruiter. No leave date, no placement, no region, just that I was nominated.

I called the Placement Officer I had spoken to in December last Wednesday, after emailing the previous Friday but hearing nothing, and he called me back within 2 hours to explain that I was basically at Placement, they just had to wait until my Applicant Portal was updated. He said I would know within a few weeks, and that I would most likely be leaving in June or July. I checked on Tuesday, and that has been updated to Legal Clearance, so now I'm just waiting. I emailed my Placement Officer today, so I'm hoping to hear tomorrow, especially since last Friday there was an influx of Invitations, according to the Facebook Group.

So now we wait.

But FINALLY! Yay!