Decisions

I've now made a relatively rough sketch of the next year:
- Jan-May: Take Gen Bio II, Gen Chem II, Gen Physics II, and Calculus, and try not to lose all motivation in the process.
- Mid-May (roughly): Trip to LA to see 1) my beautiful grand-little graduate and 2) everything and everyone that I miss and love more than they probably know.
- June-Aug: Take O.Chem I & II (oh, yes, over the summer. It will be loads of fun.)
- Aug or Sept (depending on the next part of this): Take the MCAT

So that's how life will be for the next 2/3 of a year, and then it can go one of two ways:
Plan A) Peace Corps will, at some point in the next few months, send me an invite to leave any time after mid-August.
Plan B) Peace Corps will decide that I am unable to serve for whatever reason that may come up. If this happens, I will be moving out of NJ, probably around December of 2013. I have a few ideas of where I'd like to go, but I know I need to get out of this state. Where I would like to move, in preferential order: 1) San Diego, 2) Los Angeles, 3) Anywhere else in California, 4) New York City, 5) Washington DC, & 6) Boston.

It is really starting to sink in that I may not get an invitation. This is something that I have struggled with over the past 2 years, as I have shown in this blog. As of this very moment in time, I am okay with that. It is hard to say goodbye to a dream, and reality can be harsh, but I won't let it get me down, especially considering that Peace Corps is opening up positions for Doctors in the future (sort of like Doctors Without Borders), which means I might be able to make this dream come true somewhere down the line. And there are a few alternatives, since, as I've stated before, I'd like some more "real world" experience before embarking on that long and arduous journey known as Medical School. I'm considering some AmeriCorps programs that are focused on health, as well as the Global Health Corps. If any of you readers know of any good programs, please let me know in the comments.

...

I want to explain why I want to leave New Jersey, if only in a short, and probably unsatisfying, way: NJ, to me, equals a stifling set of rules that I cannot adhere to. This is a purely psychological thing on my part. I grew up here. I was awkward and unhappy here. In all honesty, NJ represents my old self in a sense, where Los Angeles and Galway and Babati represent a new self. It's hard to explain if you haven't known me for more than around 4 years. With the traveling and exploring and growing that I have done, even in the past 2 years, something has clicked that I cannot quite put my finger on.

I don't know if it was a full sense of self-love, or the knowledge that I can do almost anything if I try hard enough, or the blossoming of my self-confidence, or the independence I hold onto with dear life, or maybe a little bit of all of this, but something has changed me for the better.

And being in NJ makes me feel like I am taking 9 steps backwards. This isn't where I belong.