Kindness (of Strangers, Family, & Friends)

Something I forgot to mention in my last post was that after the car accident, I was sitting in my car, just bawling my eyes and shaking. A few minutes later, I heard a knock on my window, and this guy who could not have been any older than I am had pulled over (keep in mind, this is on an extraordinarily busy highway in the middle of a monsoon-like rainstorm) to make sure that I was okay. He told me he wanted to make sure I was conscious and uninjured, because he had been in a car accident a few weeks ago, and somebody random had done the same for him. He and his friend stayed with me until the police came. I am very grateful for their kindness, and hope to repay the favor one day.

This whole scenario has me thinking about kindness, and how much we reach out, or don't reach out, to not only strangers, but the people we already have in our lives. A number of times I have been called silly or stupid for, as one detractor put it, "believing the world is all butterflies and rainbows." I have also been asked what planet I live on (more than once) when I talk about how I do believe people are wonderful and kind, and that we just have to give them a chance to show that part of themselves.

I have been so extraordinarily lucky in my lifetime to have experienced the kindness of strangers, friends, acquaintances, and family. In fact, after my car accident, I was pretty shaken up, so after driving down again the next day (I was attending a 3 day conference), I asked my cousin Ali if I could stay overnight at her house, which was only 10 minutes away from the conference center, as opposed to driving back to my house, which was over an hour away. Her and her husband James welcomed me into their home for the night, and I am so happy and grateful that they did.

One thing I couldn't help but notice with the fact that this stranger helped me by staying with me in the middle of this rainstorm, is that every time my car has caused me some sort of trouble in NJ, somebody has always stopped to help me, but in LA, every single time my car caused me trouble (which was, I need to point out, often), not a single stranger stopped to help me, albeit, my friends and sorority sisters did help transport me when I needed it. I try to pay that back as well.

I have more stories of the kindness of strangers, including the kindness of strangers abroad, but before I embark on that post, tell me, dear readers, what are your experiences with the kindness of strangers? Have you ever stopped for somebody you didn't know?

I hope your weekend is going well!

Fear

I cannot stop crying right now. I was in a car accident tonight that was extraordinarily scary, where I thought I was going to die, and I keep randomly bursting into tears. I think this is how I am coping. Perhaps, if/when I get into the Peace Corps, I will be glad to be rid of driving for two years, as opposed to being upset about it. I love to drive, but after tonight, I am extraordinarily shaken up.

I think the funniest thing about this accident tonight is the fact that my life didn't flash before my eyes; my future evaporated before my eyes. It was like "medical school? *poof*! extensive traveling/Peace Corps? *poof*! a chance at a family? *poof*! being a success? *poof*!" I can't be the only one this has happened to, right?

It was startling, and I think it says a lot about where my focus is. Always on the future, always ready to plan something new. My biggest fear is honestly not being able to accomplish everything that I wish to accomplish in my lifetime, of dropping out of school, of messing up my life, of disappointing myself and the people around me, of never being able to travel outside of the country for an extended period of time again.

I look to travel to keep me sane, and yet I also fear for the worst when I do travel. It is an interesting way to look at life.

Rejection

Sorry for the 3 month gap. Life got a little sad, and a little hectic. I promise I will update y'all on the Peace Corps stuff, but first, I would like to muse about rejection. Yes, this is supposed to be a travel blog, but I will tie it all together, I promise.

The more I get used to being rejected (by organizations, potential partners, even longtime friends), the more I realize perhaps a traveling life is for me. Rejection hurts. It is something that a person needs to get used to. It is something that makes me, personally, question my core values. What did I do wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? Have all the activities I have been doing for the past -forever- amounted to nothing? Should I learn to keep my mouth shut? Can I blame my mental illness? Can I blame the people who caused my mental illness? Why am I even thinking like this? Why can't I just get over it? And so on and so forth into a spiral of anxiety. Welcome to my brain.

Traveling, first and foremost, lets me step outside of this incessant naval-gazing. I like to let the experience, the culture, the language, the people, wash over me. It really brings me outside of myself, forces me to re-examine the way I think through things and the way I see the world and the way I see how people relate to each other. It also makes me re-examine my place in life. Why complain when I have so much?

Traveling also lets me run away. I'm going to be up front here. Sometimes, I like the thrill of a new place and new people and new food and new everything. I'm not really one to settle in one place. Everywhere I go, I fall in love. (Seriously, ask any of my friends. I came back from TZ, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from IRL, "OMG I'm gonna move there." I came back from Nicaragua, "OMG I have to go again, for much longer, maybe for a year.")

Having to move back to the place that I "escaped" from was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and all of my friends in NJ, but I absolutely love LA. I know LA. I'm comfortable there. And now I'm itching to travel again. Being stuck in NJ is a major downer.

If I didn't have student loans to pay off, I would probably take what little money I have and just go backpacking somewhere. Or get a job on a cruise ship. Or learn how to sail, and then work on boats, sailing around the world. Or just WWOOF it up. Or, get a visa, go to Europe or Asia or Africa or South America or Australia, and work while there, little jobs, to have money to just get by. I hate being tied to one place by financial obligations.

So, back to the Peace Corps. The reason it has taken me so long to write this post is because of some majorly disappointing news I got while on my train trip (which, I just realized, I don't think I have detailed for you all! I will! Later!). Basically, because of a misread on the paperwork, instead of lifting my deferment or keeping it as is, they extended it until June. Which means, I probably won't be leaving until 2013, if I qualify for service at all. Hence, this post on rejection.

So, until then, I will be doing as many things as possible to keep myself busy. In fact, these past few months have FLOWN by, and in that time, I have decided to take some pre-med classes, see how I do, and, if I enjoy them and do well in them, pursue medical school.

It's a cliche, but I will close with it anyway. When one door closes, another one opens. Although in my case, I guess I can say I just don't have the key to the door yet, so I'm looking out the window.

I wish everyone a wonderful December! (I will write again before January. promise!)