The Waiting Game

So, if you read over any of the "Peace Corps Journals" blogs, especially those of the Applicants, you will find that patience, waiting, and Restless Applicant Syndrome (or RAS for short) are all mentioned pretty frequently. And if you know me in real life, you will know I am by no means a patient person. I like to go out and "do" rather than wait around for something to happen. I am somewhat ambitious to a fault.

I have been playing the waiting game now for over a year. First, I waited a month for my interview (submitted my application beginning of January '11, interviewed the first week of Feb '11). Then, I waited 1 month for a nomination, only to have to wait 3 more months (originally was supposed to receive a nomination in March, had to wait until June). Then I got what I like to call "Part 1" of my medical packet, and had that done in no time, only to be deferred (sent the packet in June '11, received word of deferral in July '11, to be deferred until December '11). Since my nomination was for January '12, and personally, I felt the deferral was unneeded, I appealed the deferral, at which point it was frustratingly extended (I sent in the paperwork in August '11, received word of the extension of the deferral in Sept '11). So now, I'm deferred until June '12, because of a paperwork mix-up.

It is so frustrating, beyond anything I can even explain. But I know that it is going to be worth it. It is my DREAM to do the Peace Corps, and I have been working toward it since I found out what it was around the middle school years. I can't believe that I am waiting this long for something. I have never waited this long for anything in my life, except maybe college, and well, that is something you HAVE to wait for.

I'm doing a lot of things in the mean time to keep myself busy, but sometimes, that little thought comes to my head, that "is it going to be worth it" thought. Because, honestly, I have things to do, places to see, people to meet, and a career to eventually start. I'm putting my life on hold, only to put it "on hold" (in a sense) for an even longer period of time. Will it be worth it? Only time can tell...

But I really want it. I want it with every bone in my body, with every neuron in my brain, with every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, and with every second that passes. I have never wanted anything more in my life.

I have a back-up plan, but I don't want to have to rely on it. Some days, I would really love to make Plan B into Plan A, but I know, I trust, that I would regret that decision.

...

Sometimes people ask me why I don't just put Peace Corps on the back-burner, and return to it after retirement or something along those lines. I don't want to do that because I don't know what the future holds. My aunt died of cancer at age 45. I don't want to die knowing that there are things that I really wanted to do that I never did because of fear or frustration or lack of patience or worry. I don't want to live knowing that, to myself, I'm not really living.

I hope everyone has an amazing week! Happy (almost) March!

I'm a Doula!

And today, I had my first ever birth... I'm still processing, but whoa, this is such an exciting occurrence. It's funny because people told me that once I witnessed and/or had a child, I would turn around some of my political views, but they remain the same, even more fully in place in my mind at this point.

This child, this little boy, took only a total of around 10 hours to come into this world. From pre-born to born, full-term fetus to baby, human to person, in a span that is just a small amount of time in the long run. It is absolutely amazingly beautiful. Miraculous.

I love the human body.